


Not Alone

by smallerthanzero



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Family Feels, Gen, Hugs, Implied Sleep Deprivation, Labor of Love, Nightmares, labor of procrastination, the family that cries together saves planes together, who knows at this point - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-23
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 17:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14406984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallerthanzero/pseuds/smallerthanzero
Summary: He hopped over the threshold of the Starblaster’s bridge, rubbing his eyes, and paused.Lucretia was on the floor.After Cycle 65, Lucretia's sleeping habits have changed. This would be less of a problem if she didn't sleep with her wand in one pocket and her dagger in the other.





	Not Alone

The sixty-sixth planar system they encountered was a quiet, mountainous world where light reflected easily from the polished faces of rock, and it only took a few days to find the Light of Creation glinting merrily at the bottom of a canyon, much brighter than the mirrored reflections of the disappearing sun. The Starblaster was set down on a nearby plateau; Taako, Lup, and Lucretia would rappel down and retrieve the Light when dawn came.

In the early morning, Davenport decided to look for a better landing spot - definitely a decision based on mission logistics and not the emerging rays of sunlight that happened to be shining directly at the windows of his cabin. He hopped over the threshold of the Starblaster’s bridge, rubbing his eyes, and paused.

Lucretia was on the floor.

She’d huddled up against a bulkhead, her white hair the only identifying feature in the murky darkness, and that was as far as he got in processing the situation before her head snapped up. 

In an instant she was on her feet and facing him, one hand clutching her wand and the other slipping something sharp and glinting from her robe pocket. " _Get away_ ,” she snarled.

Davenport stepped back immediately, hands up - he wasn’t afraid, but over six decades they’d all built up a pretty good repository of offensive spells. 

“Lucretia, it’s - it’s just me, it’s Davenport, calm down -” 

Or at least he hadn’t been afraid until her expression changed to one of naked horror.

“Davenport? No,” she choked out - were those tear tracks down her cheeks? Her hands, rock steady, began to shake. “You’re not real, oh god, I’m losing it -”

“ _Lucretia_ ,” Davenport said, firmer, “put your wand down. It’s really me. It’s okay.”

“It’s okay,” she murmured dumbly. “It’s okay? My mind wouldn’t come up with that.”

“We rebooted, Lucretia,” Davenport continued, stepping across the threshold again. It was suddenly hard to speak, but he forced his voice to remain steady for her. “It’s the next cycle, we’re all here, no one’s dead yet.”

“Next cycle,” Lucretia repeated, dragging the hand clutching her wand over her face and squinting down at him. “I - Captain?”

Davenport exhaled. “Lucretia?”

“Captain-” she looked at her hands, one of which held a dagger that she dropped like it had burned her. “I’m so sorry -”

He took her arm and led her to sit in the captain’s chair. “That isn’t even the first dagger I’ve had pointed at me this cycle.”

“Magnus?”

“Taako, actually. Got too close to the salt deposits he was gathering from the rocks.”

Lucretia tried to smile, gazing out at the sunrise, but in the light coming through the bridge windows it only accentuated the dark circles under her eyes. “I forgot that I’d recorded that.”

“I thought you went to sleep in your room last night?”

“I… I did. I guess last cycle I made a habit of sleeping here? So I could move the ship if I had to. I might have just… ended up here.”

Besides her brief summary directly after the reboot, Lucretia hadn’t been saying much about the previous cycle. But Davenport could guess that she’d only been sleeping when she absolutely had to. And if she’d started gravitating to the bridge again… she was probably maintaining the same sleeping habits. He was more surprised that she’d managed to get from one end of the ship to the other without waking anyone. 

“So you used to sleep here… but not in the chair?”

“Too visible from the door,” Lucretia said quickly, and then, “... and it’s not my chair to sit in.”

“You’re probably the second-best pilot on the ship by now,” he replied. Lucretia wasn’t looking at him, so he allowed himself a proud smile. “So I suppose you’d better get used to it.”

Lucretia turned to him, blushing, but before she could say anything they were interrupted by Lup’s voice. 

“Cap? Lucretia?” Lup shouted. She was probably in the galley, but the combination of a small ship and a loud voice meant that her words easily carried to the bridge. “Breakfast time! Wakey wakey, eggs and some more of that weird land walrus thing we found yesterday!”

“Yes, one moment!” Davenport called, and turned back to Lucretia. “You should get some more rest. We can send Barry down on retrieval in your place, and I’m sure that Magnus would be more than happy to nap with you if you want someone to ensure that you stay in one place.”

Lucretia shivered. “No, no, I want to go get the Light - and if I get startled around someone else I could - I think I’ve had enough rest for now, Captain.” She stood up abruptly. “Time to go eat some goddamn land walrus.”

Davenport watched her go in silence. _Well_ , he thought, _at least she won’t get worse?_

^^^

The first time Magnus found her, it was worse. 

She was facing the hallway this time, and he started to cry almost as soon as he saw her - how could he not? She was weeping silently, obviously trapped in a nightmare, and in seconds he was on the floor of the bridge with his arms wrapped around her.

Before he could say anything, a blast of magic hurled him across the room. “Leave me alone!” someone cried - shit, it was Lucretia. He rolled to his feet to find her wielding a wand and a dagger. She was going to hurt someone! 

Well, he was a protector; he could protect her from herself. He rushed her, twisting her weapons from her hands and seizing her wrists. “Lucretia! What’s going on?” 

Lucretia screamed. Magnus couldn’t stop crying, pleading with her to tell him what was wrong. She was trying to twist free of him, whispering something - he could barely make it out, she was so frantic-

“No, please, I have to make it to the end of the year - please, I have to save my family-”

Magnus dropped her wrists. “Lucy, it’s me - it’s Magnus! You already saved us!” 

It took a couple more minutes of convincing until she realized where she was. By then, she was a mess. _He_ was a mess. He was still crying and she wouldn’t respond to him except to apologize over and over again and beg him not to tell the others.

So the next time he found her like that, he went for backup.

^^^

Barry and Lup were in the common area reading over some of their notes when Magnus ran straight through the room. “Whoa, is something on fire? Babe, did you set something on fire?”

Lup shrugged. “Tempted, but no.”

Magnus doubled back. “Barry, Lup, I need your help.”

“What’s going on?” Barry asked, closing his file.

“Lucretia’s on the bridge - having a nightmare or something - I tried to wake her up last time and she freaked out, I don’t know what to do -”

“Hey, hey! Let’s think this through,” Barry said, not sounding very calm himself. Lucretia very rarely did anything concerning, much less in public areas of the ship. “Is she damaging anything?”

“No, she’s just - crying -” 

“Hey, Mags,” Lup said, “take some deep breaths. Can we ask Merle to cast Calm Emotions on her?”

“Where is he?” 

“Greenhouse, probably. Let’s go.” 

Merle, elbow deep in a plant bed, seemed unimpressed with the idea of casting Calm Emotions on someone who wasn’t actively fighting them. “Why don’t I take a look at her and see if I can figure it out. Make her some tea or somethin’.”

“Okay,” Magnus gritted out, “let’s just hurry, we have to _help her_.”

“I’m getting Taako,” Lup said, and left the room at a dead run.

The five of them shuffled towards the bridge together, Magnus and Merle in the lead. Davenport’s cabin door opened as they walked past it, the gnome giving them an unimpressed look from his desk. “Do I even want to know?”

“Something’s wrong with Lucretia,” Magnus snapped, and Davenport shot to his feet.

“If she’s asleep on the bridge, don’t go in there!”

“Wait, you know about this?”

Davenport crossed his room to join them, tugging his uniform jacket back into its crisp lines. “It’s happened a couple times, yes.” He sighed. “She told me it was getting better.”

“She threw me across the bridge!”

“Yeah, uh, _what_?” Taako said. “Lup didn’t tell me this was dangerous - is Creesh turning into the Fantasy Hulk?” 

Lup tweaked Taako’s ear. Taako flicked her nose. Things might have escalated into an all-out twin battle, but Davenport held up a hand and cleared his throat. “What was the plan here?”

Merle shouldered his way to Davenport’s side. “We’re gonna go check out our gal Lucy, see if I need to cast Calm Emotions or something. I don’t think there’s anything to worry about, really, she’s probably already awake.” 

Davenport pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t just go in there, you’ll wake her up! For the last year, having people around has meant that she’s about to be attacked.”

“Oh,” Magnus said sheepishly. “I thought I woke her up with my snuggles. I was going to tiptoe this time!”

Everyone looked him over. He already had an arm around Barry’s waist, and he was wearing combat boots.

“No prob, Cap’nport,” Lup said. “Silence on six people… Ko, want to help me with this one?”

“Yeah, cha’boy’s got this,” Taako replied. They both recited the spell, and a sudden lack of sound loomed in the corridor.

The door to the bridge was narrow enough that they had to file in one at a time. Davenport went in first, but Magnus rushed past him and dropped to his knees by Lucretia, reaching out before thinking better of it. Taako and Lup draped themselves over his shoulders, Barry hovering at the edge of the trio, and Merle waddled slowly around them to Lucretia’s side. 

They couldn’t see her face, buried in her knees, but her trembling figure told them all they needed to know. 

Magnus felt a slight pressure on his shoulder and looked over to see Lup’s downcast face, chin resting on his shoulder. Barry’s hand was in her hair, carding through the messy waves. Tears shone behind his glasses, on Lup’s eyelashes, in Merle’s beard, as they watched their faithful chronicler fall apart in complete silence.

Merle examined Lucretia for a long moment and reached out one large hand, reciting a spell.

No sound left his mouth.

He rolled his eyes and turned to Taako and Lup, gesturing wildly. The twins looked at each other over Magnus’ head, pointing at each other and occasionally at the other members of the room as they tried to figure out who was casting Silence on Merle; they didn’t need sound to conduct their wordless conversation.

Merle turned to Davenport, who was still fixated on Lucretia, and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Davenport looked over at him and managed a weak nod. 

Eventually the quiet sounds of the bridge and Lucretia’s near-silent weeping became known to Merle, and he raised his hand and recited the spell once more. 

Lucretia’s head snapped up as he spoke, but as she tensed to attack a pink glow had already begun to diffuse from Merle’s hand to wind around her. 

All her muscles relaxed at once as the spell worked its magic, and she drowsily lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes as she looked around. “Aw, boners, not again.” Then she saw Merle and froze. “Ummm.... hi?” She looked at her empty hands. “I didn’t try to kill you, did I?”

Merle chuckled. “No. Just made me burn one of my spell slots with that sad face of yours.”

Lucretia paused. “Calming Emotions?” 

Merle nodded, and Lucretia’s eyes widened as she looked over his shoulder. “Captain?”

Davenport saw her looking at him and frowned, gesturing at someone behind her. She turned to see the rest of the crew just as the twins dropped the Silence spell on everyone else, filling the small room with the sound of Magnus sniffling. “Oh, you guys, I’m so-”

The breath was squeezed from her lungs as Magnus rocked forward to engulf her in a giant hug. “Luce!”

“Hey,” she croaked awkwardly. “Can’t breathe.” 

“I don’t think I’m gonna let go of you for like two days,” Magnus said, loosening his death grip just a bit. “You scared us so bad, Luce.”

She felt Calm Emotions start to fade, and in its place a wave of guilt rushed in. “I’m so sorry, all of you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” A tight feeling welled up in her chest, and she realized in horror that she was about to start crying again. “I just - I want it to be over so badly, I know it’s a new cycle, b-but I just can’t make it st-stop.” Yep, definitely crying. 

Merle patted her knee, a comforting smile twitching the corners of his beard. “We’re gonna fix this, Lucy. We’re all here now, and we’ll do it together.”

“We can start by seeing how you fall asleep when you’re _not_ dead on your feet,” Davenport suggested dryly, but there was definitely a smile on his face too.

“I can’t sleep on my own,” Lucretia said, almost whispered. “I keep thinking that I’m alone.”

And there was Magnus’ death grip again. “Luce, you _know_ I’m always down for snuggles. You, me, and Fisher, whenever you want.”

“Bar and I will snuggle with you too,” purred Lup, bursting into raucous laughter when both Lucretia and Barry blushed bright red. 

“And I guess I’ll make you hot chocolate or some shit,” Taako drawled. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that you haven’t been drinking your weird bitter tea that helps you sleep.”

“Aw,” Magnus cooed, wincing as Taako tugged at his sideburns in retaliation. 

Davenport rested his hand firmly on the back of hers. “See? You’re not alone.”

“Not alone,” Lucretia sighed happily, and finally let herself submit to the truth of it.

**Author's Note:**

> help, I've fallen into this fandom and I can't get up
> 
> This is my first TAZ fic, so I would really appreciate any compliments/constructive criticism you're willing to give, especially in terms of characterization. Thank you for reading!


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